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First day of 2010

Today was a good day! The weather was great outside. I didn't get to spend much time outdoors but I could still feel the "vibes" of a beautiful day.

I had to work today from 10-4 at the local grocery store. I work there three days a week. It's just a temporary job until I can find something that will support me living on my own with my daughters.

I'm hoping by May I'll be able to start really searching for a job or maybe go back school. I'm not sure yet. Where ever the Lord leads! It's in His hands!

I went to see a movie after work. I saw It's Complicated. Great movie but the filming was terrible. You could see the mic's overhead throughout the movie. You could also see the mic stands and lights overhead. It was too distracting.

Everytime my ex keeps the kids they come home and pass out. I'm not sure why he doesn't give them naps when he keeps them. I end up feeling like the bad parent because my oldest will be soo whiney and leaves me feeling like all I do is correct her. Im hoping that evens out pretty soon.

I only had one moment of lonliness today. I got off work early, so with some free time I was left to think about what to do. That's the hard part is when I have free time unexpectedly and I'm not sure what to do. My best friend is married and mother of two. She was having family time so I couldn't exactly call her for a chat.

I decided to fill the void by going to a movie. I felt like such a loser going by myself, but I couldn't stand the thought of going home to an empty house..empty handed. Thankfully I ran into my hairdresser and sat with her.

That's all I really have to say for today. I'll be praying about this tonight though. I want to be able to handle my 'free time' better. I want to be able to be alone and not get that feeling of wanting to cry. I'm getting there slowly but surely!! I also want to spend my free time better, instead of going to a movie I should have been praying. I'm still learning though.

Scripture for the day! And forgive me because I can't type it out at the moment.

Acts 9:15

Jesus wants us to go out and be vessels for Him. A good vessel that is un-used has no value. So be a good vessel used by Christ!

In Jesus

Dec. 31st, 2009

Today is a hard day.

For the last five years I have spent this day with my husband. Now I'm alone living with my father destined to spend the evening him watching movies. My two daughters are too young to do the firework thing so we have no real plans.

It's very hard not to allow depression to sink in, but I like to think that I'm keeping my head above water....barely.   I guess it's because I see my friends both married and dating that will be getting that New Year's kiss and it really does make me feel sad to know that I'm now alone. Some would say cheer up, you can do it on your own! I'm not made that way. I truly liked being married even though the man I was married too may have not been the best. I liked being there for him and even toward the end of our marriage I started to grasp what the scriptures ment when it says a woman should be a helpmeet for their husbands and to honor him. I actually liked being that for my husband. I guess I just started too late in the marriage for him to appreciate. I was young and lost without the Lord, two very good reasons not the make hasty decisons.

Not all hope is lost. I do have very loveable little girls who sleep next to me that I can kiss at midnight. I'm very thankful for them because if it wasn't for them I would truly be alone.

The Lord has giving me a promise that when I get throught this barricade that things will be great on the other side. The Lord is very merciful like that. The Sunday before my husband left me I was in a prayer meeting after church. As I was praying with the group I received a vision of the enemy standing before me. It was like looking at the front line of the oposing military front. Then Jesus was there along with the people that were praying with me and linked arms and stepped through the enemy lines. When we reached the other side it was great, beautiful place.

I thought the vision was for the prayer meeting we were in because it was the evangelism group praying. But that night my husband returned home from a trip and said he was tired of the talk of God and church. That's when all hell broke loose on me.

I still stand on his promise that great things are coming. That's my new years resolution:

To keep looking to God and His Promises. Not to waver on my faith in Him and what He is capable of doing for me according to His glory.

Scripture for the day:

2 Peter 1:3-4

According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:

Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

In Jesus,


Welcome to My Journey....

I'm a wrecked ship that has washed upon the shore in need of repair. The only one that can do the great work in me that needs to be done is my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

When I gave my life to the Lord, it was bliss for a about six months. Then all hell broke loose. Some people think that when you become born again that everything is all roses and chocolates. But I'm here to tell you its not.

Because you see, I made a lot of decisions as a lost person that turned out to be bad choices. So when I gave my life to the Lord, he had to clean up my mess...

This will be journal so that I may be able to put my story out there, and its therapeutic to write about it for me. First, I will set the ground rules of what I believe.

I believe that there is only one God.
I believe that there is a place called hell.
I believe that the only way to not go to hell and be in heaven is by Jesus Christ.
I believe that you must be born again.
I believe that you must confess that you are sinner and Repent of these sins.
I believe that the scriptures of the Bible are God's word and its His will to live by them.
I believe in prayer.

Now that probably keeps about more than half of who ever reads this entry from adding me as a friend. :)

Ask me anything and I will answer. If I can't provide one right way it means that I'm searching for one.

Here is my scripture for this entry:

John 3:3
Jesus answered  and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.



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